Teach your partner how to meet most of your needs most of the time
It requires an attitude shift, but can be achieved with a bit of elbow grease. And I'm not talking about attitude shift for him. I'm talking about shift in YOUR attitude towards yourself and your partner.
My dearest, Radiant Women,
I have spent most of my life in unsatisfying and sometimes even abusive relationships, where my personal needs and wants were not really attended to. Because I loved these men, I kept putting myself and my needs on to the back burner and kept catering for them without reciprocation.
I felt used and unappreciated, and I couldn't speak up no matter how painful the situation was. Because of the fierceness of my loyalty, I stayed in these relationships well past the expiration date. Eventually I just either emotionally "checked out" of the relationship, or when the situation became unbearable, I simply walked away from it.
In a nutshell, I was unappreciated and unable to do anything about it.
But then I realized something: I had all these relationships that had similarities within them - in how they deteriorated and how they ended, and I realized that there was a common denominator: Me.
I took some stock, even though it was confrontational. I asked myself: What was I doing wrong and how can I fix it? I was determined to find out.
This is when I started The Radiant Woman work - I wanted to become radiant and irresistible, not just for the sake of men, but for the sake of my own happiness. I observed women who had happy, mutually supportive relationships and I saw two things in common: They all took responsibility of their physical, mental and emotional health, and they had learnt how to communicate their needs to their partner.
This was a massive revelation to me back in the day. Two simple concepts: Personal Responsibility and Communication of Personal Needs. WOW.
Once I had isolated these factors, I was able to put in some practical solutions first for myself, then for the people closest to me and then the general public. By just realizing that all of our needs are different from one another, and by using my INFJ powers of intuition and judgement, I helped hundreds of people get happy and healthy with a few simple individually designed solutions.
Here's a gross list that you can start from, regardless of what your personality type is:
1. Consciously extend gratitude for yourself and your partner. Every day, I appreciate myself for how far I have evolved in this life so far. I then take time to appreciate my partner for being in my life. It may not be straight to his face, but I do it! It may be hard in the beginning, but I find something. Doesn't have to be anything big. Just something. And i do this every single day.
Why? Because I want to cultivate happiness and ensure that I contribute to "The Perfect Relationship" as much as possible. This is my first form of investment: Emotional happiness.
I admire him out loud, I ask for his attention and then give thanks to him for being him. I thank him for the little things he does. I thank him for his intention of doing something for me, even if he did it by projecting his own values onto me, and even if he missed the mark on my values. The intent matters.
2. Look after your physical health. Get enough sleep, regular nutrition and water. It's amazing how clear things become when you're properly hydrated! Make sure your stomach has enough good bacteria, and that you feed the good bacteria regularly. Get your blood flowing with fun exercise - not all exercise is a chore!
For more information, you can check out our Crown Programme Level 1.
3. Learn to manage your emotions
Self parenting is the key to all relationships. More often than not our inner child runs our relationships, because most of us have an innate yearning to be "saved". When was the last time you leaned on to another person when you were in a foul mood, instead of going into introspection and soothing your inner child and offered her some self parenting? This is why most relationships fail: one or both of the people opt out from parenting the other.
Communication is the key. The second part of being in a "Perfect Relationship" is to allow each other to have awareness of what one is going through without needing the other to save them. Trying to shove your "shoulds" down your partner's throat is unpleasant for you both and rarely successful. Extending gratitude to them, wherever you and they are on your respective journeys will ultimately guarantee a satisfying experience for you both.
There is a certain grace in communicating with your partner when you both know each others' values. Then, you can both get your needs met, because each of you know how to love the other in an honouring way.
Task #1 Ask each other these questions: When do you feel most loved? When my partner offers me a gift, some words, maybe physical connection? When they offer their emotional presence and are allowing me to be who I am without needing to change?
Task #2 Tell each other what your needs are and ask the other if they are in a position to offer you what you need.
Task #3 Repeat.
Have fun with building your Perfect Relationship!
Merja
Ps. If you need help in determining your values and you need more guidance in how to speak to the values of others, please visit us at: The Radiant Woman Movement
It requires an attitude shift, but can be achieved with a bit of elbow grease. And I'm not talking about attitude shift for him. I'm talking about shift in YOUR attitude towards yourself and your partner.
My dearest, Radiant Women,
I have spent most of my life in unsatisfying and sometimes even abusive relationships, where my personal needs and wants were not really attended to. Because I loved these men, I kept putting myself and my needs on to the back burner and kept catering for them without reciprocation.
I felt used and unappreciated, and I couldn't speak up no matter how painful the situation was. Because of the fierceness of my loyalty, I stayed in these relationships well past the expiration date. Eventually I just either emotionally "checked out" of the relationship, or when the situation became unbearable, I simply walked away from it.
In a nutshell, I was unappreciated and unable to do anything about it.
But then I realized something: I had all these relationships that had similarities within them - in how they deteriorated and how they ended, and I realized that there was a common denominator: Me.
I took some stock, even though it was confrontational. I asked myself: What was I doing wrong and how can I fix it? I was determined to find out.
This is when I started The Radiant Woman work - I wanted to become radiant and irresistible, not just for the sake of men, but for the sake of my own happiness. I observed women who had happy, mutually supportive relationships and I saw two things in common: They all took responsibility of their physical, mental and emotional health, and they had learnt how to communicate their needs to their partner.
This was a massive revelation to me back in the day. Two simple concepts: Personal Responsibility and Communication of Personal Needs. WOW.
Once I had isolated these factors, I was able to put in some practical solutions first for myself, then for the people closest to me and then the general public. By just realizing that all of our needs are different from one another, and by using my INFJ powers of intuition and judgement, I helped hundreds of people get happy and healthy with a few simple individually designed solutions.
Here's a gross list that you can start from, regardless of what your personality type is:
1. Consciously extend gratitude for yourself and your partner. Every day, I appreciate myself for how far I have evolved in this life so far. I then take time to appreciate my partner for being in my life. It may not be straight to his face, but I do it! It may be hard in the beginning, but I find something. Doesn't have to be anything big. Just something. And i do this every single day.
Why? Because I want to cultivate happiness and ensure that I contribute to "The Perfect Relationship" as much as possible. This is my first form of investment: Emotional happiness.
I admire him out loud, I ask for his attention and then give thanks to him for being him. I thank him for the little things he does. I thank him for his intention of doing something for me, even if he did it by projecting his own values onto me, and even if he missed the mark on my values. The intent matters.
2. Look after your physical health. Get enough sleep, regular nutrition and water. It's amazing how clear things become when you're properly hydrated! Make sure your stomach has enough good bacteria, and that you feed the good bacteria regularly. Get your blood flowing with fun exercise - not all exercise is a chore!
For more information, you can check out our Crown Programme Level 1.
3. Learn to manage your emotions
Self parenting is the key to all relationships. More often than not our inner child runs our relationships, because most of us have an innate yearning to be "saved". When was the last time you leaned on to another person when you were in a foul mood, instead of going into introspection and soothing your inner child and offered her some self parenting? This is why most relationships fail: one or both of the people opt out from parenting the other.
Communication is the key. The second part of being in a "Perfect Relationship" is to allow each other to have awareness of what one is going through without needing the other to save them. Trying to shove your "shoulds" down your partner's throat is unpleasant for you both and rarely successful. Extending gratitude to them, wherever you and they are on your respective journeys will ultimately guarantee a satisfying experience for you both.
There is a certain grace in communicating with your partner when you both know each others' values. Then, you can both get your needs met, because each of you know how to love the other in an honouring way.
Task #1 Ask each other these questions: When do you feel most loved? When my partner offers me a gift, some words, maybe physical connection? When they offer their emotional presence and are allowing me to be who I am without needing to change?
Task #2 Tell each other what your needs are and ask the other if they are in a position to offer you what you need.
Task #3 Repeat.
Have fun with building your Perfect Relationship!
Merja
Ps. If you need help in determining your values and you need more guidance in how to speak to the values of others, please visit us at: The Radiant Woman Movement
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